New Year 2021

I know resolutions and other stuff are now long overdue, the month's just about to end, but hey, this is me, and I'm always just in time.

 

I know I have been out of the radar for quite a while now since the pandemic, and I thank the people who still got their way to stay connected with me. I'm sorry 'coz I just can't reciprocate. I know I have been trying to remain connected to some people, but I guess my tryin' stayed only in my head. So, I'm sorry 'coz I am not sure if I still know how to communicate properly with people, now.

 

Another thing I wanna mention, yeah, I received a lot of gifts last Christmas, so, thanks again to those people who remembered to include me in their lists. I don't think I deserved all that, but I am really thankful, even with the littlest things I received. I wanna mention you all, but I just don't know how to reach and thank all of you, and I know this is unfair 'coz I don't know if you guys would even be able to read this. At least I tried? Nah, this is just a clumsy, lame excuse. I just suck with communicating with people. And I am really sorry, if I weren't even able to message you on your messaging apps.

 

To be honest, I really feel disconnected to the world for a long time now. I know there are some of you who ask how I do, and I know my uniform answer is I'm alright, if ever, I was able to answer back. But really, I don't know. Am I okay if I can only sleep for around 2-3 hours at night, if ever I am able to get a sleep at all, or even a nap? But hey, I'm still functioning, and surviving the day! Am I okay, if there are times I find myself stoic, or emotionless, of whatever that is happening around me? Am I okay, if I am constantly arguing to an imaginary voice of myself inside my head? Am I okay trying to smile through all these? Am I okay getting mad on every little thing I am never in control of? Am I okay being so confused, and losing track of everything I have in mind, or generally losing me? Am I okay trying to shout as hard as I can while my head is dug deep in my pillow, or shouting in my mind, while watching random netflix series, or while I am talking with people. Am I okay with tears dripping through my cheeks, without knowing why? Am I okay saying I am okay even with all of these? I don't know. But my answer is yeah, with a little shrugging, I am okay. So thank you for checking out on me. Really.. Thank you..

 

Writing has always been my escape, my partner. I guess this is the best way to communicate again to the world, and to you, my peeps. Don't mind my ranting, I just hope that you are all well, too. I don't know if I owe anyone this explanation, but I just kinda feel like, I wanna do this thing, again.

I miss you all. I want all shits happening in the world now be over. I wish the days when all of us are genuinely happy, and I know most of you still are. I envy you! Keep it up! Don't worry, I know God is still hugging me right now, and giving me the best comfort I could ever ask for. He is the best!

 

To wrap this up, or to short cut this whole message, One, I just miss you all. Two, I am sorry, if I'm not able to keep in touch. Three, thank you, for remembering me from time to time, if ever I really crossed your minds, yeah my wishful thinking, lols! And three point one, I am really thankful I have you guys in my life - in real life, and nowadays, virtually. Especially you, the one who read this far, thank you for listening to my mindless rant, heehee. You the best! Thank you!