Today, I realized, I truly found out, and proven, that what makes a person gloomy is doing something that the heart entirely dislike – doing something you never really liked.
My heart is racing to finally find out, again, that I’m about to do something I don’t like. Something I hate and dread so much. I hate it. And I don’t know why I am even doing this. As if I had no choice at all. That is always the question, and the answer is simple – I do it not for myself. But it turns out, it makes me lonelier than contented of the sacrifices I make. Is it an unnecessary sacrifice to make people around you happy by doing something you never really liked, but only for the sole-purpose that you think that these people will be glad of what you do?
I can sacrifice for the good of those who surround me, but in the end, am I happy with that sacrifice? I am already taking the toll. It’s getting heavier now. And the pain is getting more real.
I’d rather die young. Maybe, I am so scared of staying more years on earth. I fear that every day will just get worse ‘coz life is just unfair. I am scared to experience more of these. I don’t want to suffer anymore.